Does depression hurts your relationship w/ the other half?

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Topic Title: Does depression hurts your relationship w/ the other half?
Created On: 07/02/2010 11:20 AM

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 11/05/2013 01:22 PM

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andy.peloquin

Posts: 78

For depression, I cannot oversell the value of counseling or therapy. I've visited a psychologist for a load of personal issues, and I've made huge steps of progress in just a few short months.

Most people kind of scoff at therapy, thinking that it's only for people with "illnesses" or "problems". The truth is that it just works - no matter what kind of problems you have. It can help you to understand the significant other with depression, and it can help him or her to snap out of it.

Medication can help, but I hate taking meds when I don't have to. I'd have to recommend the healthier, natural way of talking with a therapist. It works if you give it a chance.

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 10/28/2013 05:53 PM

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TPas85

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Eeeek. Having been the depression sufferer in the relationship, I have an understanding of where both sides come from (The "depressive", me, and the "carrier", other.) I want to say that if the situation is weighing down on both parties on extremely unhealthy levels, and there was no possible way to work it out, then you should probably cut the strings. However, also keep in mind that the sufferer absolutely does not want to be that way, nor do they like the effect it has on you. MDD is a finicky illness; it's not a matter of "he said, she said" or "it's my fault/their fault", but rather a combination of deep-seated issues stemming from both the depressive person and the relationship in general. It's really up to the both of you to decide what to do, as I cannot speak for anyone nor do I have the authority to dictate what's right/wrong for them, and being that every couple's situation is unique.
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 07/01/2011 08:50 AM

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AllisonAWE

Posts: 12

Dealing with a friend or significant other with depression is difficult. You want to be able to fix things for them, but you cannot. This is because depression really must be healed from the inside. You can offer all the support in the world (and it will help!) but if the patient is not taking the appropriate steps to be well again--whether it be medication, therapy, or a combination of the two--recovery is unlikely. Being supportive of a depressed friend is important, but it's like with the oxygen masks on the airplanes--make sure you can breathe before helping someone else. If your friend or partner is dragging you under, then you need to get out and take care of yourself.
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 07/02/2010 04:27 PM

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AmariT

Posts: 221

I think depression is an extremely complicated subject. In college, I had a good friend who was severely depressed. I always tried to be there for him and talk him through his troubles, but eventually that started wearing down on me and I realized that talking to him only ever made me miserable, and nothing I said ever seemed to help. He lashed out at everyone, including me, and he never seemed to think that I cared about him enough. I wanted to be there for him, but after a couple of years of this, I decided that I needed to protect myself and I stopped talking to him. I've reopened the lines of comunication every year or so since then to see how he's doing, and it immediately becomes the same situation so I back off again. I guess I just realized that as much as I wanted to help, I wasn't going to be able to save him and I needed more positive influences in my life.

But two of my best friends are on anti-depression medication right now and I've never had issues with them. Their depression doesn't engulf their entire lives and spread to others the way his did. And I have another friend who has had severely depressed periods, during which I always try to be there for her, and then she bounces back.

I can understand your friend's concern--depression tends to be perpetual and if he had a time that severe once, it's extremely possible that he might have another one--but I don't necessarily think that should be the end of your relationship either. People go through depressed periods, and you should be there for your love. But in the end, I think you need to be a little selfish. You need to be willing to help, but also be able to realize when the relationship itself becomes unhealthy and is causing you too much suffering.
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 07/02/2010 11:20 AM

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isabelle21

Posts: 5

My best friend suggests me to wait till I find a "healthier" boyfriend. For the current one has gone through a severe depression, even was hospitalized for a week last winter for the potential possibility of committing suicide. But I really do not agree. Does depression give the grant for being single? or legitimate reason for breaking up? Absolutely not. I know it might need great patience and endurance for the spouse of depressed one. But it won't make me to leave him.

Acutually he bounced back to norm so much better than before. It was really comforting for me to see him bounce back. So I'd say the two, especially the spouse of the depressed one should really try to understand what the depression would like or feel like and try to help and get help for your lover.

And never lose hope! for each of us!
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