I've decided to start a new thread mostly for myself. I just want to try to ease some pain from myself. As it is mentioned in several other previous threads by other users a lot of people dont give a damn about health issues. As Bilt Walton a famous basketball player said that there are two types of injuries: major and minor. A major injury is a personal injury a minor one is an injury of someone else.
Throughout the last day my depression seemed to escalate to newer heights. Every night I suffer from chronic insomnia and it takes nearly 2-3 hours of lying in bed just fall asleep. During that time it always all of those rethoric questions come back like a boomerang right at me e.g. "Why me? What if I did not jump that one time how would I enjoying my life now? Why can't I prevent this? It just pains me because I truly believe I did not deserve any of this after all of my hardwork. Furthermore the depression takes its greatest toll on me when I see people of my age enjoying life to its fullest, enjoying a non-stationary lifestyle. It sickens me to talk about my past activities like an old pensioner with a tone that none of it shall come back. Even now I can accept what has happened but I just want one more chance to start everything from zero is that too much to ask for? You get even disheartened more by friends, relatives even parents when they advise you to give up your past activities and say that your are too ambitious. To me sports such as basketball, volleyball or even just simply PE those where things that I really cherished in my life. This was only because I could relieve myself from all the everyday problems that I could not influence abd alter by any means.
The last couple of days were full of hardships, one day my knees felt as if they were at least 50 years older than me. On one day after the pain diminished I tried out my abilities only to disappoint myself
. Only then did I understood what huge forces do the knees have to withstand during certain motoric activities such as jumping or running. I used to be a great leaper and sprinter I could reach about 330cm to 340cm and it was all gained through rigorous training that was 6 days a week for the past 1,5 years. Now Im pretty much screwed with all of my everyday activities and also with my future foreign education. The most depressing thing in life in my opinion is not the people who prevent you from reaching your goals or other different adversities but when you limit yourself.
Even the acl recontruction has been postponed and as today it is stil TBA. This was caused due to national strike of the medical staff in my country. Should this event not have been brought up I would be 10 days post op